Hi all. I just wanted to let you guys know something about me.
It's that I have awful depression problems. It's just me and my daughter, and have been for about 5+ years.
Me, my wife and my two Daughters, 13 and 17 were going on a trip to Lake Tahoe. And I was at the driving wheel, and I am a very capable driver. In fact I would definitely consider myself better then most on the road. So we were driving happily along, when my 17 Year old Daughter in the back seat tells me to look at something that she has in her hands. So I see that no one is in front of us that I can see on the road. So I look back, and see what she is holding, a necklace with beads that say "daddy". before I can say I like it, my wife screams at me to turn left. In the micro seconds that I had to think, I thought why would she say this? It's a straight road and no one is in front of us. Nobody except a semi truck running adrift from the OTHER side of the highway. We hit it going about 73mph. My wife and my 17 year old Daughter died on impact. I look at the bracelet every day, and wonder what I could have done different.
Next, as a suprise birthday present for my father, I had been partaking in a restoration for his 1955 Century resorter. He bought it new, but the boat's condition got worse and worse as the years went on. I could tell he was sad, and would try to not even think about the boat, as it was in such neglect. In fact, the boat was in such neglect, when I went to take it secretly at it's dock, it was sunk and beached on the shore. I didn't know this, nor did my father. Well, long story short, I completed the Restore in around 4 years time. The boat was absoulutely stunning Upon driving halfway across the country to return the boat, i am greeted by just my mom at the door. We walk inside and I ask where dad is, and I call him over because I have something to show him out in front. Keep in mind I have the fully restored boat, covered on the trailer in the front driveway. So we walk out there, and I could see that he had a not so happy look on his face, the look when I try to talk to him about the boat. But then I tell him to help me lift the tarp. He see's the boat, sitting there gleaming in the beautiful sunlight, and starts to cry. He walks over and gives me a huge hug. As he starts to say I love you, I see his face clench up and turn sideways, his back and whole body start to shake horribly with rapid erratic movements, I hold on to him and try to help him but there was nothing I could do. He had a seizure, and died, right there in my arms. This has changed me the most, and I believe led me to my horrible depression problems.
After these events, I have been living a life full of sad days. It's not like I have a depressing life either. I own a Mustang Restoration company which has made me have all the money that I will ever need. I have around $25,000 in Rc alone. The cars I have in my driveway, 3 67 Mustangs are all worth about $350,000. I have 3 of the coolest boats I think in the world (Looking to purchase a Miami Vice Scarab). Despite all this, I still hate my life and am full of sadness 75% of my existence in this world. Sure, "things" can take my mind off my wife, father and Daughter passing away for alittle bit, but at the end of the day, I am still in a constant battle and struggle with depression. That's why I have so many things, and I'm worried I will stay like this for the rest of my life. Every day, I try to keep as busy as possible, weather it's playing with Rc's, driving or boating but it can never win because I just go home and look at the bracelet my Daughter gave me, or I see the Century in garage. I can never win. The only thing I truly love in my life, is my Daughter. She is a wonderful girl, and has been parented well. But I can never think of her without thinking of my Daughter that passed in the crash.
Just thought it would maybe help to share to as many people as possible, maybe someone else has these problems or could help me.