My Depression

[67Mustang]

Hi all. I just wanted to let you guys know something about me.
It's that I have awful depression problems. It's just me and my daughter, and have been for about 5+ years.
Me, my wife and my two Daughters, 13 and 17 were going on a trip to Lake Tahoe. And I was at the driving wheel, and I am a very capable driver. In fact I would definitely consider myself better then most on the road. So we were driving happily along, when my 17 Year old Daughter in the back seat tells me to look at something that she has in her hands. So I see that no one is in front of us that I can see on the road. So I look back, and see what she is holding, a necklace with beads that say "daddy". before I can say I like it, my wife screams at me to turn left. In the micro seconds that I had to think, I thought why would she say this? It's a straight road and no one is in front of us. Nobody except a semi truck running adrift from the OTHER side of the highway. We hit it going about 73mph. My wife and my 17 year old Daughter died on impact. I look at the bracelet every day, and wonder what I could have done different.

Next, as a suprise birthday present for my father, I had been partaking in a restoration for his 1955 Century resorter. He bought it new, but the boat's condition got worse and worse as the years went on. I could tell he was sad, and would try to not even think about the boat, as it was in such neglect. In fact, the boat was in such neglect, when I went to take it secretly at it's dock, it was sunk and beached on the shore. I didn't know this, nor did my father. Well, long story short, I completed the Restore in around 4 years time. The boat was absoulutely stunning Upon driving halfway across the country to return the boat, i am greeted by just my mom at the door. We walk inside and I ask where dad is, and I call him over because I have something to show him out in front. Keep in mind I have the fully restored boat, covered on the trailer in the front driveway. So we walk out there, and I could see that he had a not so happy look on his face, the look when I try to talk to him about the boat. But then I tell him to help me lift the tarp. He see's the boat, sitting there gleaming in the beautiful sunlight, and starts to cry. He walks over and gives me a huge hug. As he starts to say I love you, I see his face clench up and turn sideways, his back and whole body start to shake horribly with rapid erratic movements, I hold on to him and try to help him but there was nothing I could do. He had a seizure, and died, right there in my arms. This has changed me the most, and I believe led me to my horrible depression problems.

After these events, I have been living a life full of sad days. It's not like I have a depressing life either. I own a Mustang Restoration company which has made me have all the money that I will ever need. I have around $25,000 in Rc alone. The cars I have in my driveway, 3 67 Mustangs are all worth about $350,000. I have 3 of the coolest boats I think in the world (Looking to purchase a Miami Vice Scarab). Despite all this, I still hate my life and am full of sadness 75% of my existence in this world. Sure, "things" can take my mind off my wife, father and Daughter passing away for alittle bit, but at the end of the day, I am still in a constant battle and struggle with depression. That's why I have so many things, and I'm worried I will stay like this for the rest of my life. Every day, I try to keep as busy as possible, weather it's playing with Rc's, driving or boating but it can never win because I just go home and look at the bracelet my Daughter gave me, or I see the Century in garage. I can never win. The only thing I truly love in my life, is my Daughter. She is a wonderful girl, and has been parented well. But I can never think of her without thinking of my Daughter that passed in the crash.

Just thought it would maybe help to share to as many people as possible, maybe someone else has these problems or could help me.

[I EAT DIRT]

Just remember there is still a little girl who love's her Daddy very much. That keep's me going.

[lubecakes]

All I can say is I'm sorry about your losses, be grateful to still have a mother and daughter, and continue to stay busy. Free time can make depression worse.

[ajcar]

depression is no joke.

ive gone through some myself. all you think about is WHAT IF. then the doctors/shrinks just want to shove nasty pills to you. since i was a drug addict in my early years. there meds has no affect on me. who wants there meds anyway after reading the side affects.

keeping busy is the first option. dont stare out the window all day when you can break it and jump out.

[DiggerPede]

Hey my friend sorry to hear of your losses. Its one of those things its hard to put in words or how to say it without saying it right. You have a beautiful daugher and a mother that is there for you. Cherish the time you have with them. I'm sure they are going through the same thing. This is one of those stories that makes you want to cry just reading it. The wife and I are a young family, a son that is fixing to turn 4 yrs and a daughter that is 4-1/2 months old. I could never imagine life without any of them. Not saying I've been in your shoes, but you need to be really strong for your daughter. The man upstairs is the one to turn to. He can help you through all this. You know money doesnt buy happiness, and I can clearly see that's not your plan. Sounds like you do love your job/ company. Plus its something good to take your mind off. At the same time spend lots of time with the young lady. Don't blame yourself it could happen to anyone. I know it's hard to see that. Like you said it only takes a split second for something to happen. No one knows when or at what time this could happen. Keep your chin up and have tons of faith.

You know this is one of those times where there could be some man hugs/ pat on the back going on. Everyone needs those. I dont care who you are.

[upbasher]

Hey my friend sorry to hear of your losses. Its one of those things its hard to put in words or how to say it without saying it right. You have a beautiful daugher and a mother that is there for you. Cherish the time you have with them. I'm sure they are going through the same thing. This is one of those stories that makes you want to cry just reading it. The wife and I are a young family, a son that is fixing to turn 4 yrs and a daughter that is 4-1/2 months old. I could never imagine life without any of them. Not saying I've been in your shoes, but you need to be really strong for your daughter. The man upstairs is the one to turn to. He can help you through all this. You know money doesnt buy happiness, and I can clearly see that's not your plan. Sounds like you do love your job/ company. Plus its something good to take your mind off. At the same time spend lots of time with the young lady. Don't blame yourself it could happen to anyone. I know it's hard to see that. Like you said it only takes a split second for something to happen. No one knows when or at what time this could happen. Keep your chin up and have tons of faith.

You know this is one of those times where there could be some man hugs/ pat on the back going on. Everyone needs those. I dont care who you are.

I agree with everything diggerpede said.

[MotorStuff]

Mustang67, I will pray for you. I am extremely sorry for your loses. Definetly turn to the man upstairs for help, and remember that you have a daughter that loves you.

[O.G.]

Have you began dating? It's been 5 years and you need some companionship to get yourself through this. Having a companion doesn't mean youre disloyal to the people you lost or that you love them any less. It will be healthy for you and bring some new joy into your life.

[Wolfslash16]

Wow. I'm so sorry for your losses. I was with my grandpa, sitting on the couch with him and watching t.v, then he had a heart attack and died. I know what that feels like. I went into a little depression after that, but when I feel sad, I just call my grandma and I talk to her. It always makes me feel better. Is your mom still alive? If so, just talk to her, it might help. Good luck buddy.

[BAD RC]

I'm sorry for your loss Mustang. Depression is a tough thing to deal with, surround yourself with friends and family. I myself is dealing with my own depression. Few years ago my worse fears came true. My mother was terminally sick, nothing for doctor left to do to keep her on this earth. I had to make the decision to remove her from Life Support. Then when things could get any worse, she hung on to life for another two days. Two days I wish to no one to go through. Did I do the right thing, should have, could have, might have plays over, and over... Hang in there my friend, your little girl need you, more than ever right now. Your Friend, Bob.

[TraxxasTuesdays]

Wow. This almost made me cry. I don't know much about depression, but I've dealt with tough times myself. Surround yourself with good people and try your best to keep yourself busy and happy. Do you have any pets? Dogs are great. You can't help but smile around them. From one RC, boat, and Ford lover to another, I'm here for you. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

[67Mustang]

Thank you all for the kind words. I truly appreciate it, and apreciate being happy, because that's how your guy's comments made me feel

I refuse to take depression pills, because I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me, I think the depression will go away eventually.

I have tried to pull myself to start dating again, but I can never end up actually going far with the relationships. I always go into the dates all happy on the first couple night's out, then when it starts to get "serious" I can never pull myself to make an actual move or advance the relationship. I always just get sad and start to think about my wife.

We have always had two dogs at a time, however now we don't. Another thing that I get sad about is how our Dog Olive died on my birthday. May 4th, spending my birthday digging a hole in the ground in the rain. The dogs I have always had throughout my life have been Boxers, and they are phenomenal dogs, but they never live long. They usually can't even make 8 1/12 years.

I honestly feel like the only thing that keeps me going every day is my Daughter. I am so fortunate that she is such a good girl. I have her on such a loose leash, but she has never failed me and done anything stupid. Despite the fact that the high school football jocks seem to be attracted to her, and she has on more then 10 occasions brought a party of 10+ people to the house demanding that we go tubing on the delta in the Chris-craft, she is so good. I have to remember that she is going to be a senior in High school, and she could be SO much worse. I hear all these stories about teen girls being awful and all that, but I guess my daughter is ultra special. Really is all I could ask for. She helps me get through life every minute of every day. She seems so happy all the time too. I hope she doesn't just act that way because I could seem so sad sometimes. But heck, if she cheers me up that's good.

I try to talk to my mom, and I do it's just she is so hysterical that I usually can't have a conversation with her where she doesn't start crying.

Right now it's summer for my Daughter so my days are alittle different, but I think I still keep preety busy. My day usually consists of:
I wake up at about 6 sharp every day, despite the fact that I don't use an alarm clock. I go downstairs into my maincave, and organize or clean my Mustangs or rc's. After that's done, I go workout with the punching bag. I was in the 75th Ranger Infantry Regiment (Airborne) in the Vietnam war, and I have always told myself I will always be in shape. Then I cook myself some food. By the time I'm done eating at 7:30 I have to take my Daughter to swimming practice. While she is at practice, I drive out to my Mustang company to make sure all the workers are there and everything is well. I then go back and pick up my Daughter from swimming and make her some breakfast. Whatever she wants. I pride myself in my cooking
Then I drive back to my Mustang shop and work on my current build from about 10:00 till 6:30. I then drive home and usually play with Rc's. After I play I start to prep dinner. We usually finish dinner at about 8:00. And after that I usually just sit around and do nothing

That's when I usually start to get sad and depressed. Could you guys recommend something for me to do so I have as little free time as possible?

The only thing I truly look forward to is usually about once a month, my Daughter and I go boating, when we do that i'm happy all day, I never get sad. Not my daughter and her friends just me and her. We both love it.

[MaxxxxaM]

Man, i'm sorry for what happened to you. Definatly keep you in my prayers. You said you enjoy boating? You could try to build a boat! Maybe build a boat your daughter could call hers! By all means, I am only 16. I don't know about parenting or anything. But, perhaps you could find something you and your daughter could both do after dinner. Movies? If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask.

-Andrew

[i killed kenny]

well, im sorry for your loses; im also sorry i can't give you any advice on depression- but im the guy to ask if you need something to do, my father, my brother, and myself always do maintanence on the house, we got a modular house on a basement. Everything that is done in the basement is what we have built, we have a very nice king sized bathroom we built, a office, a bike room, a office that is the command room of our movie theater, and our new addition- a twisty slide hidden in a closet that goes from upstairs to downstairs.
another think is biking, whether its building, collecting, or riding bikes- its all arround fun!

[Nitronaught]

Keep in mind you rmother and daughter will probably be going through depression as well since you all have suffered some severe experiences in their loss....
Your family and you are in my prayers, I don't know what faith you may follow if any but trust in your faith. Most believe that your father and daughter are in a place where there is no more pain or suffering... Try to keep that in mind. It helps me every day....

[westoakmech]

Dear 67mustang. My wife before we were together lost a child to shaken baby syndrome. He was shaken by friend and after two weeks in icu died. My wife has ups and downs with depression. One thing you have to remember is that you have a child that still needs you in her life every day. My wife started a child abuse awareness foundation and we set up booths at all kinds of events. She goes to the alternative school, and regular schools and speaks with children about child abuse and shaken baby syndrome. Perhaps you could do something like that in the memory of your wife and daughter. It has helped my wife alot. My wife also does one on one sessions with our preacher, unlike a medical counseler he does not try to "cure" her. He helps her to find ways to continue with her life, through god. I do wish the best, if you ever need anything or just someone to talk to let me know, I would be more than willing to listen. We will keep you and your family in our prayers.

[67Mustang]

@Maxxaaam Well it's funny I mean we just about did build a boat together, had a 39foot Chris Craft sitting in the front driveway for about 5 months, it was a long restore and she would help me sometimes on fixing it.

@Nitronaught Yes I am trying to think that.

@Westoakmech I definitely wouldn't have time to do something like that. Even when I retire which technically I won't I still won't have time. And I have never been good at speaking in front of huge audiences.

I try to do things with her, and we do but just about every other night she is doing things at friends houses. And it's like I would plan something but then a day later she says there's a huge party that she can't miss or something. Anyone who has a daughter in high school will know what I mean

But I don't take an offense to it or anything, I know that she chooses me over her friendships.

[Meebert]

My friend who has suffered from depression since he was a child is not with us anymore. He almost never had a steady hold on his Bi-Polar disorder, he was my oldest and most loyal friend. He went out of his way to help everyone he could in need, his only friend before me was a kid in a wheelchair. I am finishing up repair on his RC's and I will be selling them in the market place soon. Keep fighting 67Mustang, you truly can find happiness.